Randomness Friday, Brought to You By the Letter (Not Enough) Zzzzz

I am sleepy.

Like, not just “I haven’t quite woken up yet, let me have a cup of coffee and I’ll be good to go” sleepy. Like, totally exhausted. Sleepwalking-exhausted. Zoning-out-while-getting-instructions-from-my-boss exhausted. Wondering-what-was-said-so-pretending-we-never-had-the-discussion-and-reading-the-newspaper-online-instead exhausted.

My show opens tonight, and I’m very proud of it. It’s lovely. It came together well.  It’s visually quite stunning, the actors really kicked it up that one added notch once an audience came in last night, and I’m very proud to have my name attached. If you’re local (I don’t know more than one local person that reads this, honestly, if that, because I don’t care to market this to people I know in real life – I know, that seems odd, I’m a weirdo, leave me alone), please consider coming, and telling people you know about it. First, I would love to meet people I only know in the abstract in person, second, it’s a good show for a good price, and third, everyone should see more live theater because I’m really worried it’s going to dry up and then where would I be. Wandering aimlessly through vacant lots lighting dogfights with a flashlight? Playing background music for people making out on bus benches with a boombox? It would not be pretty.

But due to the fact I've been spending every waking hour either at work or the theater, and then when I get home I can't sleep because I'm too wired - fried. I AM FRIED.

So today, because my brain is sleep-encrusted and not running on all cylinders (and those of you who say it normally isn’t can just SUCK IT I have a super-awesome-sparkly-Miss-Kitty-Fantastico Brain normally), you get Randomness Friday. Randomness Friday! For when your brain is not up to putting things together in a sequence of events that add up to a normal post. Sorry, “normal” post. Let’s not gild the lily. Not a lot of normal happening around here what with the ADD and the ooh sparkly and such.

• Last night I had a dream that Josh Groban was the world champion of Monopoly and was defending his title and I was his handler. I assume this was because I saw him in a PBS version of Chess and I’m not classy so my brain turned chess into Monopoly. Anyway, Josh Groban was awesome and funny (you know he has a sense of humor, he’s always willing to poke fun at himself or others), and we ate things out of vending machines together while discussing the strategy behind competitive Monopoly-playing. It was kind of the most fun. 

• Some goofball site came out with this list and said my alma mater is the “least rigorous” college. I take offense, because I worked really hard. Granted, I worked hard because I was taking a full courseload plus working on 3-5 shows at a time plus working 20+ hours at a part-time job plus extracurriculars like cute boys and whatnot, but the classes weren’t easy. It’s not a joke college. I didn’t apply from the back of a pack of matches. Also, as I’m super-tired right  now, I kind of want to punch everyone, so maybe tomorrow after a good night’s sleep I won’t care.

• If you attend a pay-what-you-will preview at a theater, maybe don’t act like a douchebag to the staff. No, we don’t provide free snacks and beverages to the pay-what-you-will audience. We actually don’t even do that for the paying audience. So don’t act entitled – we’re being nice by opening our final dress rehearsal up to the community, because we know times are tight, and the least you can do it be polite in return.

• The hint of fall in the air is like perfume from heaven. Fall is the best season. I will fight you if you say otherwise. AND I WILL WIN WITH THE POWER OF RIGHT ON MY SIDE.

• Did you ever have someone play an instrument for you? Isn’t that just the most awkward thing ever? Because you just don’t know where to look. Do you look at them? At the instrument? Away? If you look away does it look like you’re not paying attention? I mean, it’s nice you’re playing that for me, but I’m doing the awkward flutter, here, so let’s do something else like watch reality television or eat a bunch of cheese.

• How old exactly are you when you stop getting stupidly high-school-style crushes? I am being completely serious here. I would have thought they’d be over by now. Please don’t tell me I’m going to be 67 and still getting crushes on, like, the man who brings my Meals-on-Wheels, or something. Because they are stupid stupid stupid, and make me feel like my brain’s been removed and replaced with used hearing-aid batteries and old gum.

• I thought of a funny joke about Hurricane Irene but decided it was TOO SOON. Also, it probably wouldn’t be very funny to anyone but me.

• I came home last night and my cats had thrown up all over the living room carpet, as they do, and as I cleaned it up, I was really grateful that they help me keep it real. Because if it wasn’t for tasks like that I might think I was living a super-glamorous life and start getting cocky. Hard to get cocky when you’re covered in cat vomit.

• The new Ryan Adams song “Lucky Now” is the prettiest thing on the radio. You should listen to it because I said so and I know nothing next-to-nothing about music. His music gives me a lump in my throat, it’s so beautiful. I adore him.

• There is a teenager working on the play I’m doing right now and I love her to bits, because she reminds me how happy I am that I am not a teenager every minute I spend talking to her. Gem she said yesterday: “I am SO MAD all the pulled pork is gone. I LOVE pulled pork. But not bacon, because even though it’s good, I always feel bad for cute little pigs.” (If you’re wondering if I crushed her cute little adolescent heart by telling her the truth of the matter, then you’re obviously new here. OF COURSE I DID. We all should know where our meat comes from.) Also, she thinks it would ironically awesome for me to crochet her a hoodie with a unicorn and a rainbow on the front and a unicorn horn spiraling off the top. Which would be kind of badass awful, I do have to admit.

• Things I haven’t done in a long time that I need to do but I’ve been too busy: grocery shop, housekeeping, manicure, return emails of varying time-sensitivity, laundry, watch mind-numbing television. Things I’ve kept up on with amazing regularity: getting grumpy, snarking on things. Priorities I HAVE THEM.

• I did a poll on Twitter yesterday asking people to give me pros and cons about me attending a Lady Gaga-themed Halloween party I was invited to. I got one con and overwhelming pros, but you know I’m probably going to end up staying home. I think it would be something I’d have to go with someone to. Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s 2011 and WE DON’T NEED A MAN. I don’t mean that, take it down a notch or two. A woman would be fine. I think I need a buffer-person. Because I’m going to be all weirded-out and out of my element, and going in solo = way too scary. I know people there, some better than others, but they’re going to be busy and I can’t ask them to spend the entire party talking to me, because presumptuous, you know? So if anyone either wants to travel here to be my Lady Gaga buffer-person or knows someone who’s just dying to be my sweet date to the party and also maybe talk this kitten out of the tree after a few hours, or at least call the fire department to lend a ladder for me, let me know. Otherwise, pajamas and television that night, I think.

• There was a bird outside yesterday, which made everyone in my office go into a tizzy because they were convinced it was a bald eagle. There was an expedition planned to check it out. They drooped in sadly a bit later with the news it was only a hawk. Oh! How sad for you. Probably you’ll need therapy, then?

ADD brain informs me it is TOO TIRED TO CONTINUE because no more ideas are forthcoming. So. Play! Come to it? I would like that. You get no blog tomorrow because I leave at 9am and get home at around 11pm, but all will be well, I just know it.

Monday, I’m sleeping ALL DAY. Like a hibernating BEAR. It’s going to be GLORIOUS.